Grace.

As I was cleaning out our junk drawers this morning, I came across our "Congratulations! You're pregnant!" packet from our doctor. I had shoved it in this drawer, almost 7 months ago, not wanting to even look at the words on those pages. Looking at those words made it too real that this baby, this gift to us, might be taken away before life had really begun.

I found out I was pregnant at about 5 weeks. We had been planning this sweet babe, so to say we were excited was an understatement. We waited the long 4 weeks until our ultrasound, finally able to see that sweet little peanut dancing across the black and white screen. Our technician smiled, said everything looked great, and sent us on our way to my doctor. I sent Andrew back to work, saying this would probably just take too long and everything looked great anyways. I bounced into that doctor's office, on cloud nine, dreaming up names and wondering if there was a little girl or boy dancing in my belly.

My doctor walked in, smiled, and said, "So. Things don't look so good."

What?! What do you mean things don't look so good? I just saw the baby! The heartbeat! The technician said! What could possibly be wrong?!

I just stared at her in disbelief as she explained to me that our baby had implanted high in my uterus, basically in the corner, right where the tube enters the opening. She said by the looks of the location, there was a high probability that the baby wouldn't have room to grow, and my uterus would rupture..not only taking away our baby, but taking away part of my uterus with it.

Our baby. The baby whose heartbeat I had just seen beating strong and hard. The baby that was alive inside of me. Our fourth family member.

I was told we would have to wait at least another week to have another ultrasound to see if things had changed. If not, we would have to decide where to go from there.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. Only 9 weeks? Did it really hurt your heart that bad that you could lose this pregnancy that early?
YES.
Nine weeks may seem like a short time, especially in a pregnancy, but every part of those 9 weeks were important and sacred to us. Those 9 weeks held our baby, our child. The second you find out you're pregnant, that life becomes yours. That life becomes reality.

The next seven days were painful, and beautiful. It was this limbo of trying to not get our hopes up, trying to not be excited, trying to not be worried. But you know what else those 7 days held for us? Hope. Grace. We were overwhelmed with love and prayers by the people in our lives. I have never felt more clothed in prayer than those 7 days. I could literally feel the prayers from our friends and family wrapping around us.

God used those seven days to work hard in us. He taught us patience, but most importantly, he taught us that when we have nothing...no control, no answers...we HAVE to press into Him. That was all we could do, lean on His understanding and trust that no matter what, He is for our good.

When I left that first doctors appointment, I locked myself in my car, sobbing into my hands, desperate for any answer. Across the speakers suddenly played,

"Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now."

A song I had heard a million times before suddenly became so much more. God held us in His hands long before this, and He would stand beside us, carry us through whatever was coming our way.

After what felt like the longest, most trying week of my life, I headed down to our next ultrasound. I got lost on my way, and I ended up here:

Lover's Circle. 

As I came up the hill and realized where I was, I just surrendered myself to Him. I climbed out of my car, stood on top of that hill, completely alone and completely surrounded by Him all at the same time. I prayed and talked with Jesus for awhile and He held my hands, held my heart, and all my worries melted from my shoulders. Our baby was in His hands, He chose this child for a purpose.

We went into that ultrasound ready for anything.
And we walked away with a gift. With a baby. With a baby, who only by God's grace, had moved from where she had implanted safely into my uterus. There are no words that could even come close to convey the joy and pure celebration in our hearts! God answers prayers, yall. He truly, truly does.

When we were thinking of names, we only had one: Grace. And I know now that Grace, "God's unconditional love for those who don't deserve it", was always who she was meant to be. She is the literal gift of unconditional love that we could never deserve.

That day I sobbed in my car, as God spoke to me through that song, I looked up and in front of me was this:

"Jesus replied, 'What is impossible for people is possible with God.'" Luke 18:27

I don't know what plans God has in store for you baby girl, but you have already turned our hearts further to Him. You have already changed us.You are going to move mountains for His glory.
And what an honor it will be to get to watch you.