Dr. Google and Jesus Calling

This is my 3rd attempt at writing this post. I started out writing this as an entry in my journal, but my only pen dwindled to a slow death on the first sentence. So I figured maybe this needs to be shared. Well then a bee chased Jack and me around outside until I was out of its territory and safe behind closed doors. The devils trying to keep this one locked up! Well HA! Take that! Here we go again.

Today's one of those days where I reached a breaking point in my distance from God. I've found myself making a lot of excuses as to why I can't find time with Him. I have a newborn. The most laid back, easy going newborn who as we speak is laying in my lap. There goes that excuse!

I started having anxiety when I met Andrew and became the happiest I've ever been. What!? I know. I became so fearful that God would take it all away from me. It wasn't until I finally sat down and asked (ok begged) for answers that, guess what, I got them. I wasn't trusting Jesus and His plan. I was worrying all the time and feeling so anxious about me, me, me. When I finally went into His word, He stared straight back at me and gave me overwhelming peace. Because He is faithful.

That anxiety has been gone since that day (and I mean that day. He instantly took it away). Throughout my entire pregnancy Jack was in God's hands, right where he belongs!

So as the past couple of weeks have come and gone I've felt that anxiousness burning in my belly again. I know some of it is because we haven't braved the crowds yet and have missed a month of church, but that's still just another excuse. Today was the day where I finally listened to that voice in the back of my head and picked up my devotional that was burning a hole into our coffee table.

Dr. Google (mamas you know what I'm talking about) had convinced me in the past 24 hours that my son's very hungry appetite was a growth spurt that turned into a cold that turned into pneumonia which turned into me crying, convinced I am absolutely the worst mom in the world. Mind you, his temperature was perfect, he's eating perfectly, he's sleeping like a rock, yet I was sure something was happening! 

Hey anxiety, nice to see you again.

It wasn't until I heard that tapping at my heart that I realized I needed to slow down and talk it out with my Father. 

He gave me this:

...release all your worries into My care. Entrust to Me everything that concerns you. Let me free you from fear that is hiding deep inside you. Sit quietly in My presence, allowing My Light to soak into you and drive out any darkness lodged in you. Trust Me and don't be fearful; rest in My sovereignty. 

(Jesus Calling)

Oh there You are Jesus, where You've been the whole time! I get so stuck in my own head that I forget I'm not the one in charge here! It's overwhelming how loving and caring He is, enough to constantly remind me through his Word and through testimonies that I am loved, and He is taking care of us. My only job? To trust Him and live my life to shine a light onto Him.

I know I will never reach the the place where I am the ultimate Christian. Is there even such a thing? All I know is every day my God is by my side, guiding us along this beautiful path He laid out for us. 

I can only trust in Jesus,

Be the best mom and wife I can possibly be,

And pray for the tools I need to show Jack what an incredible and sovereign Father we have.

I don't know where this finds you today, but if Dr. Google has smacked you across the face know you're not alone. And know your real doctor told you to stay away from him for a reason! I know this won't be the last time I'm here, but I pray for accountability and friendships to give me a nudge and say, "Hey, trust Him."

By the way, Jack is healthy and beautiful and doing everything a 5 week old should be (and then some!) Oh to love like this :)