Finding My Voice

After I had written this blog, I saw Amanda Wilcox post something that was like a high-five from God letting me know I'm doing this at the right time. (Please go follow her story Amanda Wilcox)
She wrote this: "Lord let my own words be few, tell me what to say and I'll say it!! Sometimes obedience means creating no matter the outcome. When we create, we worship!! And worship is not defined by success or failure....it is just simply meant to bring glory to God."

And that is exactly how I feel about where my life has taken me. 

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I have been waiting to write this blog for a very long time. I almost did on multiple occasions. There were times I was angry and sad and ready to call out names, and then there were times where I decided I didn't need to write it at all. But I do.

I've been praying for God to give me the right words for this specific post, and waiting for that moment. I felt Him give me a little nudge today so...here I am! If you don't do it in that moment, the moment may pass you by, right?!

Anyways, since I decided to pursue Personal Training I've had many people reach out to me privately about my music. SO so so so many of you have been emotionally, and even financially, supportive of my career over the past 23 years. Twenty-three years yall. Whoa. It's so strange sometimes looking at that number and seeing where I am now.

Those of you who have known me for awhile know that I grew up singing. Before I could talk I was creating songs. I never had a back up plan, and I was sure (as most musicians are) that I was destined for fame, success, and that was that. And this is not said in vanity, but I'm pretty sure I could have had it. Not solely based on talent, but also the people I was fortunate enough to meet along the way. I stared at that future across a desk from me on multiple occasions, and I had opportunities that people more deserving than I would kill for.

But yall, the music industry can be a dirty place. I fell in love with music because it was my outlet for all the pain, sadness, and confusion I felt as I ventured through my life. My songs were literally my poetry poured out from my soul. I was asked to change that, and I thought I was willing to.

This is where I feel God's hands on my fingers, reminding me that this is all about HIM. (Ok, I hear you!)
 Long story short, I was hurt badly by people I loved and trusted, and it jaded me. Big time. Music wasn't fun anymore. I have always promised myself that the second it stopped being fun, I would walk away. If only it were that easy, right?

The amount of love and support I had from the incredible people who believed in me was really one of the only things that kept me going for, honestly, the last year I pursued music. I was going through the motions, but I felt more lost than ever. I look back at that time and remember just feeling like I was stuck at the bottom of this empty, dark barrel. The anxiety I had was out of control. I dreaded shows and writing. I had to have at least two heavy pours of whiskey before I felt confident enough to get on a stage and sing. I begged God to show me what He wanted me to do, how I was supposed to use this gift. Why would He give me this voice if I wasn't supposed to use it? But if that was the case, why was I so unhappy?

And He answered that prayer in the form of my future-husband, Andrew.
I know, I know. I can not TELL you how many times I would see girls walk away from their careers "for a dude". Or at least that's how I saw it. Looking back now I know that I never knew the full story. They could have been just like me and I chose to stamp a stereotype on it. It's amazing how God teaches us lessons in every circumstance, isn't it?

Anyways...Andrew coming into my life was the biggest step for me coming into my own. He believed in me more than I believed in myself, and he encouraged me to chase the dreams that were laid out in front of me. But when I was away pursuing them? All I did was miss him. Missed home. I was stuck in this weird limbo because music is all I've ever known. Literally. All I've ever done. Like I said, I didn't have a back up plan.
I didn't have a "way out".

And then we found out we were pregnant.

I know every mom says their children changed their lives, and it's because they do. But you guys, Jack saved me. I quickly had to grow up and get my act together, because it was not together. On top of that, I didn't know how to tell people I loved and people that believed in me that I didn't want to do music anymore, that I wanted to step away for a bit and see what else was out there.
When I got pregnant, I didn't have to. I'm sure people assumed and talked and whatever, but that's never even crossed my mind. It was like I was given this pardon from a crazy career path for a few years. I didn't realize how desperately I needed it until I was in it, but I needed it so badly.

It not only gave me time away from all the "music-career" questions, but it gave me time to find myself. To find myself as a woman, as a wife, as a mom, and as God's child. He has worked HEAVY in my heart the past three years, although I know He was setting me up for all this for the few years before as well. I thought maybe I'd go back and try again after Jack was born, but I just didn't want to. And I felt guilty about that for a long time.

It wasn't until my sweet friend Alisha looked at me and said, "You know, it's okay to have more than one gift." She told me how God gives us multiple gifts, and I wouldn't be failing Him, or anyone for that matter, if I didn't push this career. That was such a weird concept to me, but it clicked in my heart.

I then felt maybe I was supposed to become a Christian artist. Push into that world, change Christian music, bring "young and fun" to Christian radio. I was, once again, making it all about me. ALL ABOUT ME. In Christian music. How does that make ANY SENSE?! It doesn't.

I finally had to be honest with myself and accepted the fact that I do not want to be a big, superstar, singer. I just don't. It's not what drives me, it doesn't push me out of bed every morning. And that's more than okay. It's hard to undue 23 years of thinking, but He is showing me that it's never been about me. Ever!

I went to a conference called IMMERSE this past summer. I was dreading it, of course, because here I was going to a conference for worship leaders and Christian artists and I am a stay at home mom who hasn't been on any sort of stage in almost 2 years. Oh but God had such a bigger plan. He found His way so deep into my heart in those three days. I looked around at these young faces of artists who had traveled cross-country for a shot of having some Christian Music execs hearing their music and become famous, and I saw myself, 5 years ago, in all of them.

Most of the speakers spent their time telling us, "It. Is. Not. About. You. It's not. If that's why you're here, you need to really pray about this...because this is about Him." Someone asked Kari Jobe how she became famous, and this will stick in my heart always. She looked up so humbly and meekly and explained how she never wanted to be famous. She never wanted any of this, but God chose to use her words and her voice to save people. "I am so in love with Jesus" and He has taken her humble heart and put it on a platform FOR HIM.

I walked away from those three days more confident than ever knowing what I was supposed to do.
I was supposed to get my Personal Training certification and reach out to help people.
What?! I know. How on earth did I get to that conclusion after spending three days immersed in worship and music?! God just works that way. He brought my music-soul home, and he opened a different door for me to walk through. A door that I truly believe will help me reach those who need to believe in themselves, and to have them know that somebody believes in them too.

Anyways, here I am now, embarking on this new chapter in my life that I never in a million years would have ever expected for myself. And you know what's so great? I am blindingly happy. Five years ago if you had told me that I would be a wife, a mom, and a Personal Trainer, I would have laughed in your face. What an incredible Savior we have that knows the truth of our hearts, and if we listen, shows us the way to our true destination.

I had no idea where this post was going to go, but there you have it! This is my honesty. It's not very pretty, and I always tell my friends that I try to embrace "messy". So here is just another part of my messy!

So what next musically? I don't know! I do know that the place I feel most full, passionate, and at peace in music is in worship. I'm putting it in God's hands, and I pray that He'll lead to me a worship position at church one day. But I have learned SO MUCH in the past few years that His timing is always best. Always. I could never, ever walk fully away from my voice. I could never do that to a gift I've been given. I do know that I'm falling back in love with it. Once I took the pressure off of myself, I slowly started letting the melodies back in. It's like a whole new world this time around though. I'm seeing it in such a different light, and that's something I didn't think I could ever do.
And I do want you to know that I have met some of the most incredible people, and some of my best friends, through this world of music. I wouldn't change my path for anything. I'm still such a huge work in progress, and who knows where God will lead me a year from now.

THANK YOU for believing in me from day one. Thank you for coming to my shows, buying my cd's, supporting me so I could explore this chapter full time, sending me notes of encouragement and prayers for success. Thank you for reminding me that my music was never just about me, that I somehow touched some of you.

Please know that I am eternally grateful for the care and support you have all given me.
Know that you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to.
Know that you can be anything.
And know that it's OK if what you want to do is hard for other people to understand. If you take a leap of faith into God's arms, He will not lead you astray.

He took this hot mess of confusion and gave me a life I could never deserve. He will do the same for you.

Love you guys more than you will ever know.
-B

Give.

  I've always been easily stressed. Dishes in the sink, trash piled up, dirt on the floor, you name it..it would give me anxiety like you couldn't even believe. I want to be the Pinterest mom, the Good Housewife, the nothing-can-break-me woman.
  I've prided myself on being non-materialistic. Held my head high by not letting the things of this world drag me down. I've always known I wasn't a perfect person or Christian. I struggle, I fall, but I always held myself on a bit of a pedestal. I don't want for much, I try my best to be as good as possible, I give, I forgive, I got this!
  Well, God has been moving mountains in our family, and let me tell you, He moved the huge, towering, arrogant peak that was blocking my vision of who I really am. He has broken down the rose-colored panes that I like to hazily stare out of into a mirror.
  "Rebecca, you are imperfect; but to me, you are beautiful."
  For those of you who know me know that I feel everything heavy. Joy, sadness, all of it. That's been a very scary, frustrating battle I try to keep on my side with my relationship with Jesus. By giving my life to Him, by giving Him my every day, that means I will be hurt. I will suffer, all in His name, but I will suffer and that TERRIFIES me. Crippling! It's just another "thing" Jesus has revealed to me as I  slowly peal back my layers and have begged Him to use me. Is this where all my anxiety lies? I'm terrified to be happy and to love because it could all be taken away, and yall that is SCARY!
  I've been in one of those dry spells in my relationship with God. Not that anything has pulled me away, but that fire that always burns deep in my heart was just flickering a little. Low... steady, but low. It's amazing how He knows just how to ignite it, and just when.
  Of all things, we we watched The Giver tonight. I'd heard it was great, and Andrew raved about the book, but I was clueless going into it. Well here I am an hour and a half later, in a pile of tears pouring all over my Bible. He used this movie to break my heart.
  I'm not going to tell you about it, but I'm going to tell you to GO. RUN, watch this movie. Maybe you won't get out of it what I did, but it will move you; and I can just tell you I feel heavy.
  I feel grateful that I get to FEEL.
  I get to feel the pain. I get to suffer, and because of the suffering, I get to recognize beauty, and joy, and love, and warmth, and LIFE.
  I felt myself aching for something that would correlate in the Word. So I typed into my little Bible app "suffering" and one of the first things that popped up was Job 36:15
   "But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction."
  I went back to the beginning of chapter 36...then 37...and I couldn't stop. Who is this man Job? What was God showing me through him? These chapters just pulled on my already aching heartstrings and gave me this beautiful portrait of such a powerful, mighty God.
    "God's voice thunders in marvelous way; he does great things beyond our understanding." Job 37:5
  I am in no way a Bible scholar. I can't pull Bible verses out of my pocket for every situation, I can't teach you every story, I can't tell you all about who Job is, but I can tell you that I can't wait to find out. I can't wait to learn more. I've read these stories since I was a little girl, but now I actually see them... these stories of men and women who literally lay down their lives as everything they can call their own is stripped away from them. Their whole life crumbles, and they fall to their knees to praise Him.
I want that.
I WANT that.
I want that fearlessness, that faith, that undeniable joy that only God can give me.
  I don't know what 2015 holds for me. I know what I'd like it to, but I have a feeling that it will go exactly down the path I have not planned, and I'm okay with that.I'm actually excited for that, because what He has in store for me, for my family, is so much bigger than anything I could ever imagine.
  So tonight the dishes will stay in the sink a little longer, the toys will stay on the floor, and I will soak in every smell, sight, and feeling that I am lucky enough to enjoy. He has given me SUCH incredible moments, and I just can't wait see what He's got in store.
   God I choose more of You and less of me...

-B 

The wasp & the knee

A wasp stung me the other day.
I thought it was Jack pinching me, but when I looked back I saw this monster wasp laying on his sweet, little arm stinging me...and I was so grateful that it was me and not Jack.
It was one of those "I'm a mom" moments. I would so much rather take any amount of pain than to even think about anything hurting my son.
I think it was also God tapping my heart and reminding me I can't be selfish anymore. I think about the smallest things in astronomically big ways now that I'm a mom, because that's my job. It's my job to take care of my sweet, innocent baby boy.

I've known for a few years that I would have to get knee surgery. I think I've always pushed it in the way, way back of my mind because I don't want to think about it. I was actually scheduled to have it done the week after we found out I was pregnant with Jack. God had a better plan on that one :)

Long story short, I totalled my car when I was 16. I woke up after flipping it too many times with my legs hanging outside of my window. It was only by God's amazing grace that the only injury I had was a hairline fracture in my femur, and some very (very) stretched out knee ligaments. Well when you're 16 years old high school is everything (oh the LIST of things I wish I could tell 16 year old me. That's an entirely different post.) I played volleyball on that knee for another two years. Somewhere in that time frame I managed to not only tear my acl, but my pcl and LCL/PLS. Over time all the tears wore away until my ligaments had calcified. Basically, I've been walking around for 8 years on a knee with no ligaments.

How have I not known? No clue. I must have a crazy pain tolerance, because every doctor I've seen stares at me like I'm a medical freak. Anyways, due to postponing the surgery and putting on a few 50 pounds of baby weight, it's only worsened.

So here I am: 24 years old with advanced arthritis, a knee that will stop functioning within 5 years, and an almost-toddler who will be walking soon.

I'm terrified of surgery. I am.
I don't care about the rehab afterwards or all the work I have to put into it. I'm terrified of being under anesthesia for 7 hours having metal plates and cadaver ligaments installed in my body.

The worst part though? I'm absolutely heart broken that I can't give Jack 100% for awhile. When he stumbles, I won't be able to run to his side. When he wants me to pick him up, I won't be able to right away.

I'm not really even sure why I'm writing this post. I'm struggling with dealing with all of it. I feel like I'm being so dramatic sometimes because I am lucky enough to live in a time where there are these incredible, medical procedures that can (hopefully) buy my knee another 20 years. Then there are times when I'm holding Jack, about to put his sleeping body in his crib, and I just cry because for awhile, I won't be able to do that.

So I'm sure you're wondering what on earth the wasp has to do with any of this. Well, it happened a few days after I saw the doctor, and I honestly felt God laying his hands on me.
A little bit of pain for me was nothing to protect my son.

A little bit of pain for 9 months will be worth having a healthy leg to chase around my sweet boy for the rest of his life.

I'd like to just ask for some prayers if I can. :) Mostly for the people around me as I learn to heal. I'm so unbelievably grateful and thankful to not only have the most supportive, loving family, but to have married into one as well. Pray for their patience with me, because I know my heart is going to hurt a lot more than my body, and I cry a lot. (A LOT)
Pray for my amazing husband. He already does so much for us, and now he has to take on some more while I'm healing.
Pray for my baby. Pray he thrives (and I know he will, thanks to his incredible daddy, grandparents, aunts, and uncle) while I can't help him.
And if you wouldn't mind, pray for my heart to trust Jesus. I've never been very good at trusting, and He always brings me to obstacles that test that. (I hear you Lord!). His plan has never failed me, and has always been better than my own.

*9 months*

Jack William Mitchell

 

 

This sweet, cheeky, chatty boy turned 9 months old yesterday. I don't really even know where to start on how awesome this past month has been! All of these 9 months have been nothing short of amazing, but seeing Jack's personality start to really blossom has been the most incredible experience of my life. I sincerely mean that.

 

So before I start to get all teary-eyed and reminiscey, let me tell you what our curious, adventurous boy has been up to in the past month :)

 

 

 

Chatty Man

I feel like one day he woke up and decided it was time to be a toddler. He has the sweetest (and I mean cotton-candy-wrapped-in-extra-sugar-with-chocolate-sauce-all-over-sweet) little boy voice. He just talks and talks and talks all day long, never without a million different facial expressions to convey his point.

His "I didn't do it mom" face after tearing up a magazine

 

First Words

I've had handfuls of people ask me if I just melt when he says "Mama", and I do...but not the way I melt when he says "Dada". I always had a feeling he'd say Dada first. Every day when Andrew comes home, Jack is on his feet, listening for the key in the lock, and then a booming "DADA" bellows through the hall. He freaks.

Every. Time.

It's amazing.

So Andrew was giving him a goodbye hug before he went to work one day, and Jack literally stopped, looked straight into Andrew's eyes, and in that sugary-sweet voice says "Dada".

Tears everywhere. Best feeling ever.

Hangry

It's so much fun seeing which traits Jack has from both of us. He studies and analyzes everything and everyone. He will watch a bird fly from a tree hundreds of feet away, over our yard, and away from the house. He turns over toys, sticks his fingers in every crevice, scopes out everything before he decides how he feels about it. That's all Andrew.

He also will scream if I take a bite of his food before I feed him. You know that game where moms pretend like they're eating the food so that baby will want it too? Yeah. Never worked here. As I lifted that spoon towards my mouth OH if looks could kill. That's my boy! :) He also has a flare for drama (which I have absolutely no idea where that came from) when he's sleepy or hungry.

Alright that's me too.

ANYWAYS.... this boy loves his food! He is eating everything. We started finger foods a week ago because I was not getting food into his mouth fast enough for his liking. Beans, peas, scrambled eggs, chicken, pork, quinoa, oatmeal, banana pancakes, yogurt, cottage cheese, carrot crackers, green beans, blueberries, pineapple, mango, I mean you name it, he's eating it. I'm one proud mama.

But God bless Andrew Mitchell. Looks like he's stuck in a house of hangries. At least it's the easiest problem to solve.

 

Frozen cantaloupe is a big time favorite

Crawling/Speed crawling

Jack started army crawling and the world changed :)

He lugged his belly around for a good while, but now he is up and crawling like he's been doing it his whole life.

He's always been really efficient at getting around, whether it was rolling across the living room or spinning in circles on his belly. I don't know why I'm surprised that crawling is no different. The past week has brought on a confidence and speed that would blow your mind. (But seriously, it blows my mind.) I can turn away for one second, and I hear a high pitched squeal and giggle in the next room over because Jack has managed to speed crawl like lightning. And he's very proud of himself. :) He will rocket launch himself into the next room, wait for us to catch up, sit up, and then clap and giggle until we join in pride. Have I mentioned how awesome this kid is?
 

Clap/Wave/Dance

We worked on the waving thing for a long time. Every morning we walk Andrew to the door. We would both stand there waving our limp wrists to each other, eyes wide, murmuring "Buh bye!" as Jack would just look at us like we were crazy. It must have worked finally because now he waves whenever, at whoever or whatever!

Since he also is an accomplished little man that deserves to be praised for his achievements, he's figuring out how to clap. Right now it consists of him basically doing the chicken dance and flapping his arms in circles. Maybe once or twice his hands will actually smack each other, but we get the point. ;)

He started wiggling that cute little booty just a couple of days ago. He has always loved music. He'll stop what he's doing when he hears a song he likes and just listen. Now, he stops and starts doing that ever-so-cute baby bounce with that little booty. Andrew and I both sat in silence, huge geeked-out smiles plastered on our faces yesterday and just watched him groove to some Bruno Mars.

 

This is clapping.

 

Florida

I'll make this a short one because I hear a cute little boy squirm in the other room, waking from his nap.

We flew to Florida for our first vacation as a family a few weeks ago.

First flight: CHECK! and can I just say he ROCKED it! We actually had a couple behind us tell us as we were leaving that they didn't even know we had a baby with us. He's a boss.

First time at the beach: LOVED it. He's going to be a water baby. He loved the sand, the water, the outdoors. All of it. My sweet nature babe.

First fever: my worst nightmare. I have to say, the fact that we made it 8 1/2 months without so much as a runny nose was the biggest blessing ever. It was inevitable that this would come, and it honestly couldn't have happened at a better time. We were surrounded by Andrew's family and a beautiful beach, so we made it through. This little guy is a tough one. I'm absolutely positive it was much harder on me than it was on him.

Cutest beach babe

 

 

 

TEETH!!!!

Alright, so my mama friends that follow me on Instagram know how long I have been waiting for these puppies to make their arrival! I feel like Jack has been teething forever. Luckily he is the most laid back, chill child you will ever come across. However, that first tooth decided to cut through right as Jack was coming down with his bug. UGH. However, not surprisingly, he handled it all like a champ.

They're still taking their time popping all the way out, but two, little pearly-whites are sitting front and center on his bottom row of gums.

 

Hangin by the pool. He's way too cool.

 

 

So my not-so-little little man is hilarious, so curious, keeps us on our toes, loves windows, being upside-down, the outdoors, water, grocery stores, his dad, Gypsy, food, standing, working with dad (banging on his laptop), popsicles, music, paper, snuggles, curtains, giving kisses, and giggling nkj  k k mn

lmkl

^^^^

Well, there he is, sitting on my lap ready to type in his own words how awesome he is. :)

I'm sure I forgot a million things, but there it is in a nutshell.

Every day is sweeter than the last.

Every day is filled with more laughter, sleep (ahh), and adventure.

 

Life didn't really start until I met Andrew.

And now with Jack? It's just beginning. :)

XO,

B



To Sleep or Not To Sleep?

When I was pregnant I read ALL the books about it.
Seriously, all of them.
I didn't, however, venture into the after-pregnancy books because, well, I was still pregnant and figured I'd have time to read those when baby Jack came along! (Wrong.)

Anyways, I was told if there was one book I HAD to read, it was Babywise. So i bought it...
and in my bottom nighstand drawer it still sits.

And you know what? I'm so glad it is.

For those of you that don't know, Babywise is all about "sleep-training" I've heard it works wonders for some moms, and if that's you, that's awesome! I skimmed it here and there during the last few weeks of pregnancy, but it was all very orderly and scheduly and I was just sooo not into thinking about anything but nesting.

We chose to just listen to Jack's needs the first 5 months. When he was hungry, he ate; when he was tired, he slept...that sometimes meant in our arms, or (mostly) on the couch. It worked for us! Jack was sleeping through the night by 2 months and all was well.

Until 4 months. Suddenly, I was up 3-4 times a night feeding my boy. Where did this newborn come from?! Let me tell you, the first couple weeks of birth I was a machine. Up every hour to feed and snuggle, it didn't bother me because that's what you do as a mama! Once I got used to sleeping through the night though, it was a struggle to be perky/happy Becca every morning. I know a lot of other moms that were going through the same thing. One mom even told me she was happy Jack was sleeping through the night, but to get ready because they have a tendency to switch things up on us. I thought, not my kid! (yeah right)

So we started going a little crazy running on no sleep and longer days, but I have to admit..once you reach into that crib and hold that sweet boy, you forget it's 2:30 am. We finally went to Jack's 6 month Dr's appointment, and like usual, my pediatrician rocked my world. Give Jack a schedule, still listen to him, but give him some consistancy. And let him cry for a bit.

LET HIM CRY?! At this point Jack and I know each other. I know his fake cry from his real cry, his whining from his hungry chattering. However, I did not want my sweet, precious, new-to-this-world baby boy to think I abandoned him all alone in that big crib!

Well guess what? It took us 8 days. 8 long, teary (mostly on my part) days, but our sweet boy is sleeping through the night again like a CHAMP. We wake up all together, have breakfast together, he naps, lunch together, he naps, dinner together, and at 8:15 that boy is bathed, fed, and down until 7:30 am the next day.



 Seriously. My mind is blown.

Anyways...what was my point here?! Haha, oh yeah. Sleep training.
I would not change the way we did things AT ALL. I would never want to go back and give up those 3:30 and 5:00 AM snuggles so that I could get some sleep. Ever. I think Jack is the snuggliest baby by nature, but also because we nurtured that.

I know babies that were started on a schedule at 2 weeks old. Guess what? That baby slept through the night and continues too. But that baby doesn't snuggle constantly, is already very independent, and doesn't really reach for mom & dad. That works for that family! I just know my heart would have been broken if Jack didn't snuggle into me as much as he does. (I'm a SNUGGLER, people.)

Can you blame me?!

Each baby truly is different. You have to learn your own child, and learn to take advice from others with a grain of salt. I'm so happy we waited as long as we did to put Jack on schedule. However, now that we're on one, ohhhh boy is it amazing! We are both happier. The smiles I get from that boy after a nap...nothing can touch it.

This is his "morning is here!" face

I guess my point with this post is to let other mamas out there know, you're doing great!  It's hard figuring everything out all the time, and it's definitely a LOT of trial and error. If you're still having sleepless nights, don't forget...one day that sweet baby won't need you to rock them to sleep. It's not an easy job, but it's the BEST one. You'll make it through these restless nights, and I know (personally) I will be begging Jack to want to snuggle before bedtime. Until he's 16. Or 30. Whatever.

Goodbye Luckee 13, Hello 2014

Get engaged.

 

Get married.

 

Buy a house.

 

Have a baby.

 

 

That was my beautiful, crazy 2013.

In one short year my entire world shifted, and I became the luckiest, happiest woman on the planet.

 

I was thinking back to this time last year, and getting really weepy. I remember standing in a dressing room stall, crying my eyes out to my mom because nothing was fitting right. I didn't feel beautiful, and I damn sure didn't want to wear a tight, sparkly mini-dress with this muffin top coming in.

 

Little did I know that my body was gearing up for the craziest ride of my life.

 

On this night, exactly one year ago, Andrew was filling up my cup of vodka (water) and putting as many limes as he could fit in there so people wouldn't notice I wasn't drinking.

 

Little did I know that the fact that I was wearing a loose, white sweater and black slacks would be a dead give away.

 

"I expected Becca to be wearing somethings flashy! Is she drinking? Is she pregnant?!"

(Jo Jo, you just knew!)

 

13 has been lucky to me for many reasons, but I still can't believe that the year 2013 brought what it did. I gained new friends, lost a few friends, and learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. It was bittersweet at times, but my goodness was it sweet.

 

The man of my absolute dreams asked me to be his wife, and for some crazy reason still wanted to say "I do" just a few short months later!

 

We had the most beautiful, loving, funny, sweet baby boy to ever be born. I am overwhelmed to tears (daily!) by the love that our home has. I never knew a man could make me cry every single day, tears of absolute happiness and joy. My heart is so full that it's overflowing with gratefulness, blessings, and deep, deep love!

 

I prayed for a long, long time that God would save me from the rut I was in, give me some direction, show me who/what I was supposed to be!

 

My goodness, did He. He put Andrew in my life, and then He gave us Jack.

 

THAT is one heck of a year.

 

I don't know what 2014 has in store, but then again I had no idea what 2013 held. All I know is I get to spend a new year wrapped in love, snuggled next to my husband, and kissing on my 4 month old. 2014, you have some incredibly big, beautiful shoes to fill...but I already know tomorrow will be even more beautiful than today!

 

Tonight I'm spending my NYE tucked in at our beautiful house, next to a little boy in a tuxedo onesie, and a husband who I can't take my eyes off of. I can tell you this, it doesn't get better than that.

 

Cheers to you my friends! I hope your new year is as full of love, Christ, and happiness that I have experienced. You never know what could happen ;)

 

I suggest starting at a karaoke bar on a Sunday night.

<3

 

This is how Jack feels about it being a new year.

 

 



The Dreaded Turtle

I had a big, brown box waiting for me by the front door this morning. I've been doing a little too much Christmas shopping, so I could not wait to see what had finally arrived. I tore through that brown cardboard like my life depended on it...

And there it was. Staring up at me with it's peacefull, smiling, horrible, life-changing face!

 

 

Okay, okay. I'm being a bit dramatic. BUT NOT REALLY!! Here's the deal: I made a promise to Andrew (well, to myself but I felt like I had to say it out loud so I would go through with it) that when this bad boy arrived in the mail, I would finally be ready to move Jack to his crib.

 

Jack's still in your room?!?!  I KNOW I KNOW! I laughed as I read one of my old blogs that showed a picture of his pack-n-play that he would spend "a couple weeks" in.

 

Well here we are 3 months later and he is still in it. You see, there's been some trouble sleeping through the night, needing of comfort 24/7, and an urge to snuggle.

Jack, you say?

Um..no. ME.

 

Yep, I find myself waking at 3:30 am just to make sure he doesn't need me. Are you sure you want to stay asleep? Yeah? Oh...okay. I'll just watch you from here. It's ridiculous, I'm aware. I was just waiting for the "right time". He needed a sound machine (check), humidifier (check), and obviously a night sky to light up his room because DUH who doesn't need one of those? So I purchased Mr. Turtle two days ago with the slowest snail-mail hoping I had a week or two left with my cooing baby next to me. Wouldn't you know that mail has suddenly become so efficient and quick?! (Hello, where are my Christmas cards?!)

 

Now that Jack's really starting to set a schedule for himself (sleep training, what? he's a pro on his own) I knew that it was time to keep that going. The last thing I want is my awesome, sleeping-through-the-night 3 month old to back track because mama can't handle him being in the next room over. Did I mention his room is literally maybe 6 feet away from our door? Yeah.

 

So I'm asking for some mama-courage and a lot of prayers because tonight I attempt to put my heart in the room next to me. I don't promise that I won't go across the hall 13 times to make sure our boy is happy, but I do promise to try my best.

 

Motherhood: making women cry over a light-up turtle.